Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
