Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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