32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
