My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
