It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
