I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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