Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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