dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
