1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Who died my cat blue again?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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