if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize