i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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