Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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