This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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