I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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