I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
