I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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