remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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