i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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