i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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