Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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