My liver just broke up with me...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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