so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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