ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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