like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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