Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
