i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
