I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
