Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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