I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
