even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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