there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
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I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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