If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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