I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
