and you said cock pushups were impossible
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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