why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
