Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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