dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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