Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
