then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
