I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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