somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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