the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
