some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
