Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
