he thought i was a dude.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
