Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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