Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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