the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
