Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
