i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
