If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Randomize