oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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