the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together