Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.