it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????