I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere