forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal