Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
