Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
