friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
