he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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