It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
