I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
