I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
